Monday, August 26, 2013

"Expecting Kindness" by Kristin Dibeh AVAILABLE NOW!

"Expecting Kindness"

My fledgling book, for sale now on as well as

The title is a bit of word play, obviously.
"Expecting" is about pregnancy. It's also about charging women to take responsibility for the kind of care and treatment we accept from our providers.  The industry standard right now in obstetrics disturbs me.  I often find their care to be largely uncaring.  10-15 minute appointments, very little time spent building any kind of real relationship or trust.  A lot of fear tactics to make women compliant, a lot of undermining language making women feel insecure about their bodies ability to give birth.  So many un-necessary tests and procedures for healthy pregnancies.  So much emphasis on high tech, meaning needless use of technology for the specific purpose of usage charges so that our insurance companies can pay off their expensive machines.  Tons of billing fraud.  All of which we are supposed to turn a blind eye to and give the doctors our blind trust because he/she is the expert, however obvious the agenda is.  We have to become savvy advocates for our health and for the well-being of our babies because we have a medical system that is based primarily on making a profit.  It is not a "health care" system.
"Kindness" is trickier.
You see, kindness doesn't always mean nice.  Nice is a way of acting that can be authentic or inauthentic.  Kindness can not be faked.  It's closest relatives and root words are: kin, kindred, kind.  You have to be able to look at a person in a "namaste" kind of way. "I see the divine in you", seeking kindred spirit, kin, see them wholly and treat them as you would wish to be treated, or as you would wish for your loved ones to be treated.  It's also about being honest, in the most sincere and heartfelt way.  It doesn't always mean agreeing with someone.  It doesn't mean saying what you think a person wants to hear. Sometimes the kindest thing to do may be the hardest thing to do.  Being kind should be an expectation of every person working in any birth profession.  This is one of the most profound, important, meaningful, remembered, powerful, nostalgic, precious moments in a lifetime, and I want a return to reverence.  I want women to feel like goddesses as they labor, certainly at least the most important person in the room.  Her voice needs to be heard and her knowledge of her body as well as her body's knowledge needs to be respected.  This will never happen if we don't drive it.  The expectation of being treated with kindness is a patient, deliberate, decisive, discerning, it involves seeking to understand the provider in front of you and seeing them clearly, and making wise choices about whether or not you believe that he or she can let go of ego/role/control/institutionalization enough to see the divine in you.  He or she is also responsible to keep you safe, I get it.  It's at the top of the list, but we shouldn't have to choose between competence and compassion.  It is reasonable to seek both.

The body of work is a primer in childbirth education.  You can not know how to really advocate for yourself, or know if your provider is selling you oceanfront property in colorado unless you have a thorough understanding of the birth process.  My book will help you answer the following questions:
What is normal?
What are the different stages of labor like?
What will I need during labor?
What are my options?
When is intervention the wisest decision?
What are the most common complications?
How will my partner know what to do?
How can I tell if a procedure/treatment is really necessary?
What does a doula actually do?
What is the difference between OB and midwifery care?

If you are taking my class, the book will be provided.  If you aren't local to the Puget Sound area in Washington, or can't take my class for other reasons, please find the book and go through it independently with a birth partner by your side.  I wish you nothing less that a thorough understanding of the birth process, and a pure, quiet, confidence that will inspire an expectation of kindness in your health care.

Kristin Dibeh

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