I'm just going to tell my story here, and you can use it however you see fit.
When my daughter was 2.5 and son was born, my honey and I decided that I would stay home. Our reasoning went like this:
- We will be paying almost as much for childcare as I am making
- If I can teach Childbirth classes and compensate for the difference, it's a wash
- I cried every day that I left my daughter with her wonderful Auntie at her small, private, in home day care, playing with her cousins for two years. I wanted to be at home
The moral of the story is: LOVE YOUR CHILD. PLAY. DEMONSTRATE INTEGRITY. BE AUTHENTIC. ENCOURAGE CURIOSITY. TEACH COMPASSION. SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED THROUGH "FAILURES". SHOW INTEREST IN THEIR INTERESTS. MODEL LIFELONG LEARNING. BE PRESENT.
To wrap up this topic specific to "The Mommy Wars", I just want you to think about how many times a day we all judge ourselves...usually more harshly than necessary...and know that that is a trait that we all share. If I have made a decision about my child's education that you believe is not in his/her best interest, please, utilize the acronym T.H.I.N.K. before you decide to share.
T - Is it TRUE?
H - Is it HELPFUL?
I - Is it INSPIRING?
N - Is it NECESSARY?
K - Is it KIND?
In addition, I would add, are you a person that I trust? A random stranger making a snap judgement, even if all of the above is relatively true, is unlikely to be received well. I don't know you, you don't know me, or my reasoning, or my child's needs, challenges, gifts. etc.
If you are someone I can trust, AND the answer to all of these are truly "YES", then really consider the INTENT vs. IMPACT. If you truly want me to consider what you are saying, find a way to offer it to me in a way that is loving; say what you mean in the kindest possible way. If I feel judged or like you are being condescending, I am unlikely to consider anything you have to say. It's a natural response. It's much easier to deflect my own pain, in anger at you. If I feel, on the other hand, that you are seeing me struggle and I feel like you are climbing into my sinking boat with me and picking up a bucket to bail, I will more likely be able to hear you.